Often times I don't like you.

"I'm lucky," he says leaning against the dirty bar wall. He's speaking to me--about me--with besotted breath of fire. I know these words are for me because he's like this when he's been drinking. And although I'm here against my will with the jukebox blaring wretched music and wearing the most uncomfortable clothes to ever come off of a manufacturing line, I've never felt so exultant.

He speaks to me, enchanting me, and enticing me. I let him lull me further and further into his words, his eyes, his arms (his lies?) with a complete disreguard for the mastodonic wall I've built around me. What's the point of having a wall if I'm just going to let everyone in who knocks on the door?

Sometimes I wonder where this is all going. "What the hell are you doing?" is quickly becoming my most often thought phrase. I'm constantly tiptoeing on unstable ground. I want to push him and run, not walk, quickly to the nearest exit. He's my addiction and my senselessness. I can't wait until the feeling fades and I can go back to normal.

~Ams "I am kind of a paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy." -J.D. Salinger

Mood:  Shut up.

evilams ~¤~ 1.2.2006 ~¤~ 11:44 pm

Your mom went to college

I'm with this guy. I'll name him Jon. So I'm with Jon, but he's not with me. If that makes any sense at all. He drowns me with desire... He pushes time between us... He carves out chunks of my heart with a melon scooper.

His words are thoughtless, careless and clumsy. He unintentionally makes me feel insecure, and suddenly it's back to poking, pinching and proding. Dear God why wasn't I born skinny? Years of mending my broken confidence for nothing. In a few hurtful words it's back to feeling fat.

I'm always waiting on him, waiting for him. With him I'm always second. Second in line to everything and everyone else. Always waiting my turn for his attention, and believe me when I say I go out of my way to get his attention. I practically scream "LOOK AT ME! NOTICE ME! EVERYONE ELSE DOES WHY DON'T YOU?!" I'm not asking to actually be first as I know that will never happen, but for Christ's sake would it kill him to make me feel like I'm first?

One of these days I'm gonna realize I have nothing left. One of these days I'm gonna get tired of being second. One of these days I'm not gonna answer the phone. One of these days... but not today.

~Ams "Gee whiz officer, you must have been going awful fast to catch up with me."

Mood: In dire need of a seeing eye dog Blind.

evilams ~¤~ 11.27.2005 ~¤~ 12:33 am

Wandering with that WTF? look on my face...

So... how ya been? I've been working alot. Four months and I haven't been late once. Someone alert the media. Anyway just a quick little update as I have to get ready for bed.

1. Sean... he's married, has kids and is 33 years old. 'Nuff said back to my heartless little self.

2. Been going to the gym, found my waist. It was in the lost and found box in the back. Also picked up some nice costume jewelry someone left behind. Sweet.

3. Started actually talking to people, really participating in conversations. All this time I thought no one would like me... People like me and try to hook me up with their friends, sons, brothers, and/or lovers.

4. This guy I met tried to kiss me. It's been so long since this has happened I had no idea what was going on until it was almost too late. I can't go around kissing people for more reasons than I can count. He's a pocket full of awesome though. I think I called him my new favorite person today... and I think I meant it.

5. ...I think that's it actually.

~Ams "And she'll have fun fun fun til her daddy takes the T-Bird away".

Mood:Bow down bitches I will rule you.

evilams ~¤~ 8.12.2005 ~¤~ 11:03 pm


Name: Amber "Ams" ViTaliano
Age: 25
Birthdate: April 3, 1980
Birthplace: Hawaii
Location Now: Virginia
Gender: Femme
Siblings: 2 brothers, 1 sister
Parents: Yes.
Astrological sign: Aries
Birthstone: Diamond
Pets: 2 cats, 2 chinchillas

Band: Reel Big Fish, Violent Femmes
TV Shows: Oz, Sex in the City, Mr. Show, Will and Grace, Trigun, InuYasha, Invader Zim, Six Feet Under, FLCL, Evangelion, Bubblegum Crisis 2040, Last Comic Standing (GO DAT!), American Morning, Cowboy Bebop
Movies: Battle Royale Survival Program, Suicide Circle, Interview with a Vampire, Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, Akira, Kung Pow Enter the Fist, Moon Child
Foods: Sushi, Tempura, Fuddrucker's Tripple Cheese Hamburgers, Fried Cheescake (yes, it is as fattening as it sounds but MmmM...)
Drinks: Iced Tea, Diet Mountian Dew, Strawberry Milk Shakes
Books: Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass, Bust: The New Girl Order, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Hobbit, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, Sleeping Beauty Memorial Photography in America
Color: red
Video Games: Diablo2:LoD [PC], Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete [PS], Sanitarium [PC], Hunter the Reckoning [XBox], The Sims [PC], Age of Mythology [PC], Tetris [GB], Star Ocean 2 [PS], Arcanum [PC], Black & White [PC], The Sims 2 [PC]
Thing to do: browse the black market (I like to window shop.)
Quote: "I only go on living because I know someday you'll be dead."


I am: a saddened soul always yearning for more...
I want: you.
I have: two chinchillas in my pants.
I wish: you were a steak and I had a fork.
I hate: waiting for you to love me.
I miss: silence.
I fear: running out of the essentials, food, water, air, crack...
I hear: the souls of the lost crying out in pain. SUCK IT UP CRY BABIES!
I search: for the meaning of life and use Google to do it. "I'm feeling lucky!"
I wonder: what it would be like if all time stopped and I was the only one who could move...
I love: you and all of the misery you cause me.
I always: lie.
I am not: a liar.
I dance: to call upon the demons of the underworld to set forth a mighty blaze which will burn the world into ruins.
I sing: a song of six pence, a pocket full of rye.
I cry: when you're not near me.
I am not always: this honest.
I win: You lose. You die.
I lose: You win. You still die.
I confuse: my friends with puppets.
I need: a tracking device, sub-machine gun, and a pot lid.
I should: eat my offspring.

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You're leaving aren't you? Farewell love... farewell.
To read
== The Justice League of Ambiguity *JLA*
== Mar Komus
== Greg
== Phases
== Mr. Jack Ryan
== Thunderstorms in the Imajica
== Hallie
== SnarkyChick
== Cinnamon

To Do
== BDI *BDI*
== Neopets
== Shockwave mind games

To Learn
== SnarkyChick. 'Tis the word. Spread it like a virus.
== Lissa Explains it All
== Draac's
== A history lesson
== Duck Billed Platypus
== The Urban Legend Refrence Page
== Straight Dope

To Look At
== Deviant Art *DA*
== My photo album
== Atom Films
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